Hi, my name is Alla Nilsen, previously Kukharenko. I’m from Chernihiv, Ukraine and now Vitacura, Santiago, Chile

I have divorced three times, and I likely suffer from borderline personality disorder. I struggle to separate my thoughts from my emotions, and I will blame you for my poor life choices. I marry men for their money, and I pretend to others that it’s for love. I will give you unasked for advice on relationships straight from a Disney movie.

I put myself and my daughter lives in danger by ignoring my ex in the Ukrainian military who told us to leave Ukraine before the war. I will also lie to my daughter. We cannot give away our location because the Russians will find us. No matter how many Ukrainians say this was nonsense, no matter how many times my daughter’s fiancé told us that’s not how the internet works and to show him proof this guidance was given. I will keep my daughter believing this to break up her engagement. Even after she called her fiancé in tears to get them out. Once out, I will tell my daughter her fiancé ignored me, even though he reached out repeatedly, and even asked for a phone number so he could call me, so they would turn on each other. I then had my daughter to lie to fiancé that they couldn’t come to the UK because of covid test (there was no covid test), I didn’t want to ‘hung on his neck’, and it was too much of a burden for a man to take in two women. Even though he didn’t care what it took for them to be happy and safe, and he wanted to do his duty as a partner and a future son-in-law to protect and provide. He even lined up a job interview for my arrival, paid for an expert to write my Linkedin profile and resume, which I never used.

My daughter told fiancé to ask him for money to help with costs when I really wanted it to pay for a flight to the US and refused a free flight to the UK. He doesn’t hear from us for 4 days and daughter calls to say we’re in Mississippi like it’s the most normal action to take after he was repeatedly told he only contact for attention, he only wanted a relationship for sex, he was told people all over the world are helping Ukrainians and he did nothing. He can’t do much when he isn’t given a location and only received lies and stonewalling. Even though I had my family move with me to Norway to marry a man I barely knew while my daughters were still in school, I wouldn’t allow us to move to the UK when we needed a home.

We arrive in the USA with no plan, even though I said I dislike the USA because my eldest daughter moved there, and we had to keep moving accommodation, even though it upset my daughter and she needed rest. I will then complain I have to keep dealing with immigration when that could have been over and refused financial help from the UK. I then abandon my other daughter and my granddaughter in a foreign country, both I never bother to help.

I’d rather live on charity and not work for years than allow my daughter to be happy in a relationship. I messed my relationships up and I must ruin hers too, so she doesn’t abandon me. When I ran out of excuses to refuse a home, opportunities, and financial help in the UK, I then contacted fiancé at 3am on a workday, knowing full well what time it was for him, to help us fill in the ‘Homes for Ukraine’ visa. He stayed up and didn’t give up on us and helped us fill it in. A month later, after he suffered stonewalling, daughter contacts him asking why is the visa was taking to long? We need a home. He then spends hundreds of hours calling immigration and local MP for answers. Four months later, he gets an email reading they never received documents and they will cancel the application. He forwards the email to me, and my reply is ‘okay’. I then tried to make him feel guilty he took in another Ukrainian woman instead of us. Can you tell I can’t separate my emotions from my thoughts?

Once they split up, I wished fiancé Happy Holidays and Happy Birthday just to keep him around, when he replies he’d wants to move on and not to contact him anymore I will get upset and tell him he is selfish, I don’t care he wants to heal and move on from me ruining their relationship. He is still waiting for an answer to ‘what I have done for him’.

Alla Nilsen